When we moved into this house 4 years ago, I said, “I am never moving again until we find ourselves a farm.” There is probably a whole bunch of you out there cringing as you read that because you already know that the minute the word NEVER pops into a sentence, it is the farthest thing likely to not ever happen… I know this too, but it must have slipped my mind when I made myself this ultimatum. Ooops.
Because…
Well, the Irvine’s are on the move again.
The Lord brought us to our current location (150 km north of “home” where a lifetime of family and friends surrounded us) after much prayer, affirmation, family agreement, and peace… leading me to believe that He was done with moving us around – that we could settle down and make what we had been given work. We were obedient to His prompting to go, so surely that must mean that we would see the “reason” for this upheaval and surely we would would feel needed, wanted, and instantly at home in the place he had planted us. Surely.
Except it hasn’t been like that at all. We have restlessly walked through these years feeling uneasy and unsure. Things did not work out as we had planned. We did not end up where we thought we would, but… we made where we were our home.
So, when God started whispering in our ears earlier this year that it was time to move again – and this time back to the very place we started (where we left with tears and sadness 5 years ago!), my first reaction was “NO!” I’m not going. I won’t. And I had all kinds of good reasons too. We just got settled here (Finally). We are starting to feel like we are part of a community here (Finally). Our kids are settled in their schools here (Finally). What could possibly be different there now than it was then? What good could it possibly do for us to be right back where we started?
Likely those of you who cringed at my first sentiments way back up at the top of this post are also cringing now. You probably noticed that there were a lot of “I’s” in that last paragraph, which is never a good way to approach anything God is trying to do in our lives. God is good. All the time. All the time, God is good. So, if he moved us away for a season and wants to put us back… it IS for our good and for his glory. Because it is. Because that’s how he works.
Here’s what I think might be going on. Maybe, just maybe – the place we left was never the problem. Maybe, just maybe – it was US that needed the work all along. I think that is what obedience is actually about – not what God needs us to do, but what He needs to do in us! I’m just learning this y’all, so stick with me here – I’m working through it as I’m typing. What if all this wandering around for 5 years (literally wandering, I’m not exaggerating – we have lived in 3 houses and 3 towns in 5 years) was not about what God was doing through us but FOR us. What if we needed to learn a whole bunch of stuff – about faith, trust, family, priorities, togetherness – and the best way to learn it was to go on this little pilgrimage. What if the place we left was not the point at all, but WE WERE and we needed to be changed in order to appreciate and grow right there where we were planted? Ooof. That’s truth.
So, we are looking for a place to live. Again. We are still looking for the illusive farm. Again. In the past weeks, we have already seen God’s hand of provision and affirmation on the decision, so we will wait to see what he does. But, this time… no ultimatums. It is my deepest desire that we would find “home” and settle into this move for many, many, many years to come (read: I would like to entertain my grand babies in this next house), and our family is praying eagerly that this would be the case. BUT, the Lord has his plans for us – and they are good. I think it would be unwise to restrict him to my limited vision of what those plans are. 😉
Don’t I wish that I understood THAT 5 years ago…
Mother's A Musing 