A boy is the only thing God can use to make a man…
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It’s almost Thanksgiving, and I haven’t written about one of the biggest changes in our family life this year… High School!! If you’ve known me for awhile, you know that the passing of time and my aging kids at times grieves me and at times gives me great joy, so I can never be sure how I’ll feel when big milestones come along.
My thoughts as I sent our oldest boy to the wide world of high school (the high school he is attending is larger in population than some small towns at a whopping 1800 students) were not so different as they were when I sent him to grade 1 all those years ago! For a flash back to that day, read this. What has been different though, is the EASE I have felt as he has navigated this road so far. I am happy to report that 6 weeks in it has been fairly smooth sailing.
Except when it hasn’t.
Sometimes, CT needs to get away from it all and just be our boy and the big brother for a little while. He needs to discard “student, athlete, friend, hard-working, responsible” and just BE. I know that it is time for just such a reset when the vibe around our house starts to feel a little funky…
Funky like: For the past couple of weeks, I have noticed a growing discord between the boys that was beginning to worry me. It really worried me when that discord started spilling over to the relationship between CT and us (the parentals). I knew we were walking on shaky ground. One of my greatest fears is that these teen years will rob us of the precious relationships we have with our boys. Will the “inevitable” happen… as I have heard other parents comment on – will my boys become morose, sullen, unaffectionate people that don’t want my attention or influence?? Is this happening now as the snowball of fall – sports, homework, youth group, friends… the iphone… take over in our new high school reality??
My answer is unequivocally, “NO!” Because I won’t let it. When we find ourselves in just such a funky place, we know that it’s time to hit the trail. So, on Saturday night as hubbie and I prayed for our kids and our home and said good night after a long day I told him that we were leaving town on Sunday morning. We were cancelling all things. We were packing lunches and driving until we found a path to walk on. And we did.
Both of our boys love the outdoors. They seem calmer and more energized all at once when they are free to explore, get dirty, and move without borders. Usually an amazing thing happens when we get this opportunity… we fall back in step with one another. Dad and boys walk and talk. Mom and boys walk and talk. Boys walk and talk… and wrestle (insert copious eye roll). And we all laugh. And we all remember who we are and whose we are – together.
Thankfully, this adventure was no exception.
I’m not sure what these next 4 years hold, but I know that I need to up my game. Connection matters – more than ever before. Investing in these young men matters – more than ever before. After our adventure together on Sunday I am less worried that my boys will suddenly and irrevocably turn into strangers that I don’t recognize, because I realize that even if they do become morose, sullen, and unaffectionate at times… I will not. There is too much at stake. I will see the best in them and I will remind them of the best in them as often as it takes – even if I have to drag them to the wilderness to do it ;).
Can I encourage you today, if you are feeling a bit “separate” from your teen? Has the beginning of high school got you feeling disconnected as it had me? … maybe your place is not the wilderness, but you KNOW where it is… playing a sport you all love, a game, music, a walk to a favourite coffee shop or park… it doesn’t actually matter WHAT it is, except that it is the thing you do together, with no distractions. Rekindle what is cooling in the pressure and competition of the world. Even if there is complaining, even if there is resistance, can I encourage you to just do it? Put a smile on your own face, do the best things you know how to do to show your love, attention, and devotion to your kiddo… and trust that they will feel it in their bones. And if it doesn’t work the first time, do it again… and again… and again. You deserve that kind of relationship and so do they!
Mother's A Musing 